In devil’s form

As a human race  in this modern society, we have a hard time living by morals. The two divided roads beckon everyday, both enticing with their own personal rewards and downfalls. 365 days to make a decision, one chance to make the RIGHT decision. You would think that your decision would be quite effortless, quite clean-cut but,  if you are factoring in bribery and illusions, I’ll admit, staying on the righteous path can be a daunting one.  Naturally, as curious, inquisitive individuals, we are forever looking for the thrill of having our hypothesis’ answered.  It’s natural to want to know what the other side beckons.  Being that I have been on both sides of the path I understand why we as humans sometimes do not make the right decisions daily.  Nobodies perfect, and I don’t expect it to be so, not now, not ever. 

Given the already unbalanced range of this situation, when you introduce mind altering stimulants to the brain, it becomes an unmatched feat…the scale tips over.  I believe the presence of drugs in your mind and body, opens your soul to the Devil.  Allowing him to reside and fester within you, you are no longer human, you are the devil’s puppet. Satan will not allow you to have a decision in choosing the “right path.”    He will do with you what he will.

I was appalled hearing recently that my Aunty and grandmother had been involved in a home invasion, where they were threatened, assaulted, and locked in a closet.  The police were able to catch the assailant but the damage he inflicted on his victim’s had already been done.  The assailant had been high on drugs, so high, that he was unaware of any of his actions.   My aunty and her mother are good people, wise decision-making people.  People who chose their path, who chose what they wanted for their life, people devoted to the Lord. The choices they made in their life  that did not intermingle their selves with criminals. So why should their’s paths have crossed??  Why should my family have to suffer for someone’s high? Why should they bear with newly brought on anxieties, and emotional burdens?  The fact that they had to endure and are enduring with  something so disgusting as this is beyond my comprehension.  The innocent people who have suffered, and who are still suffering is truly the inner workings of the Devil.  

I strongly stand against the use of any type of stimulant that will alter the mind.  I strongly stand against anything that alters decision-making for that matter. With all the pressures mounted around our already stressful society, mixing drugs into that equation, it will always produce a negative result.  I firmly believe that no one should have to suffer repercussions of someone else’s actions, no one.  You make your choice what you want for your life, you choose your path.  The decision to try drugs, it’s your choice, but once you’ve traveled down that path, once you’ve consciously welcomed it, well then, the decision of how you want your life is no longer yours.

T h i n k  before you act.

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I’m a die hard romantic, die hard to the core. So much so, that in less than ideal circumstances I brainwashed myself to believe, that it was my fairy tale, my happy ending.  I’ve hit rock bottom of the lover’s trail so many times you’d think my heart would have flat lined by now.  But no, the yearning for someone just became stronger, like a burning hunger that was insatiable. The situations got worse, the men got worse, the fall to rock bottom got worse.  I was slowly over time, plummetting myself to my death.

The last abusive relationship I was drowning myself in, I was dieing to break free from, but I had no control over my emotions. My emotions dragged me through hell and my mind was always that postive friend to lift me back up again, and again.  My mind though, proved no feat for my emotions, my emotion was the one running the show. I was no longer in control. 

 In the midst of my personal chaos, I reluctantly went to a friend’s house to meet a guy she wanted to introduce me to.  He stood tall and strong, but not rough around the edges, I could tell by the way he carried himself he was raised with a woman’s love.  I didn’t know his story, I didn’t know his type, all I knew was that his presence intrigued me, and I had butterflies in my heart when we locked eyes and smiled at each other.  Looking back on it now, that presence I was intrigued by was the innocence, love, and loyalty that I have come to love and admire in him. He oozes those qualities, which make him that much more attractive in my eyes. 

You’d think the rest was history, sorry to say, it wasn’t.  My old habits died hard, and I began to get cold feet about  this new relationship venture, I was confused.  I didnt want an abusive relationship but I was familiar with it, and so as weird as it sounds, it was my comfort, it was home for me.  So again, I had two end’s of the spectrum pointed in my face, my mind pulling me in this direction, and my heart pulling me in another.   I unconciously toussled with those extremities, feeling out both sides for awhile, until finally I had enough of the negativity and trusted my instints.  Those instincts that told me I deserved more, and that Dustin would be there to catch me when I fell..  I made a conscious decision that he was exactly what I wanted, and he wanted me in return.  Looking back on it now, it was not that I had to be convinced by Dustin that he was worth being trusted, it was that I had to convice myself that I was worth being loved.

In Dustin, I’ve found so many qualities and traits that any woman would die for, loyalty, honesty, sensitivity, humility. Given the fact that I was teetering on a fine wire, I was truly blessed to have a man that was patient  with me when I was unsure of what I wanted, and what I deserved.  His love was selfless and his love was pure, nothing needs to be said, no questions need to be asked…a love that speaks for itself, now that’s what I call a happy ending.

Release

I’ve found my way here on wordpress because of the screaming desrire within me to express my thoughts.  Pen and paper have always been a kind friend to me, never judgemental and something I curl up to on lonliest of nights.  Words, thoughts, feeling, paper, pen, this is my safe haven, this is my home.  The atrocities of the world consume me at times and I get lost in all the feelings and thoughts.  But when I take pen and paper, all the world goes quiet, I create peace, peace for myself and peace for others willing to seek it.   As time goes on, I will leave this earth, and there will be no more entries to be blogged, no statues to be erected in my name, but my words, my words will remain, they will live forever. It will serve as a memory for my daughter, comforting her on the loniest of days, it will empower her, it will hold and reassure her who she is.   Immortalizing myself in my life and my daughter’s, I speak with not only my mind, but my mind, body, and soul.

 

 

“We can never obtain peace in the outer world until we make peace with ourselves.” – Dalai Lama